Chapter 5 - Marimo and the Spam Email
Suddenly, but our school cafeteria is delicious.
The menu is plentiful, as is the amount of rice, and it's cheap and tasty.
It's perfect.
It's no exaggeration to say there's nothing wrong with it.
And now, after school.
I'm elegantly indulging in afternoon tea.
With a cup of tea in one hand, I nibble on a cheesecake.
What a sweet moment.
Just like that, my smartphone vibrates, disturbing my relaxation time.
I don't even need to look to know who it is.
I can't help it, so I answer the phone.
"Help me, Kou-chan!I got 10 million yen from a widow who lost her husband because killed by an anteater, went to a party with EXILE's Takahiro, and now I have to become the god of a new religion!"
I stuff the cheesecake I was enjoying bit by bit into my mouth and wash it down with afternoon tea.
Goodbye, my relaxation time.
After my mouth dries, I reply shortly.
"I'll be right there."
"Grumble grumble..."
In the student council room, Marimo is clutching her pink smartphone and groaning.
A Chihuahua, maybe?
"Ah, Kou-chan! You came!"
Then she spots me and her eyes sparkle.
Like a Chihuahua before a walk?
"What happened and how did it happen? Keep it brief."
"Look at this email! I'm a widow whose husband was killed by an anteater. This time, for reasons, I want to give you the ten million my husband left behind... What should I do? I've calculated the gift tax, but I'm not ready emotionally!"
I'm irritated by her intellectual panic, but the root of the problem is too childish to take seriously.
"Why do you need to panic so much?"
"Because... Oh, I see, don't panic, just recalculate, right? Got it! First, subtract the basic deduction, which is 8.9 million yen. Then, 30% gift tax applies... Oh no, Kou-chan! I'm a minor, so I have to get my dad or mom to file on my behalf!"
"That's your concern? Calm down!!"
A bad feeling is sprinting towards me.
...I hope not, but.
"Hey, you didn't reply already, did you?"
"Of course not!"
Good, Marimo isn't as foolish as I thought.
"Such an important thing, I have to think carefully before replying!"
She easily surpasses the hurdle I prepared.
That's right, she's a real fool.
"Listen, this is a typical scam email. There's no such widow. Look closely, it says to transfer one million first for mutual trust. Why would you pay money if they're giving you ten million? People don't get killed by anteaters. I don't know much, but they eat ants, right? They seem pretty docile."
"Ah, wait, Kou-chan. You can't deny that so lightly. In places like Brazil, there have been actual attacks and deaths. If there are victims, there are people who feel sorrow. You shouldn't make light of it."
"...Oh, right. That's, well, very regrettable."
I'm even more annoyed by her pinpoint knowledge, but she seems to reluctantly accept that the widow doesn't exist after my desperate plea.
Sleeping politicians in meetings should promptly imitate my passion.
"...Wait, what!? A scam email? So, this one saying 'EXILE's Takahiro is looking for a woman to accompany him to a party hosted by Atsushi' is also...? It's a big deal if Takahiro can't attend Atsushi's party! Without either Atsushi or Takahiro, EXILE wouldn't exist!"
"I get that ATSUSHI and Takahiro's relationship is an important element. But look, it says to transfer two million first for mutual trust, right? It's a variant of the previous one. With two million, you could throw a super luxurious party."
"That's different, Kou-chan. The main point of this story is that Takahiro is looking for someone to accompany him to the party, so if you throw your own party, it changes the subject."
"...Ah, I see."
I can't agree with being corrected by Marimo-sensei, but she seems convinced, and that's fine.
Takahiro and Atsushi must be pleased.
They might even be high-fiving.
"What about this one saying, 'You are the reincarnation of a god, please lead us to salvation'?"
"It says, 'Please transfer five million for the establishment of the religious group.' It's like they're saying come and greet us. It's a scam, a scam, all of it."
Her expression, which had been unusually stern until now, returns to the familiar one, and I finally feel at ease.
But she must be feeling down about such an embarrassing misunderstanding.
Can't be helped. I'll cheer her up...
"Great! So, the widow who lost her husband, Takahiro who can't go to the party, and the group worrying about the world, they're all nonexistent! I'm relieved!"
...What a pure heart. It's blinding.
"...Hey, want to eat some cake in the cafeteria? It's on me."
"Really!? Yay! Let's go! Kou-chan, you're so kind! Hehe. Cake, cake! Delicious cake!"
All I can do is change Marimo's smartphone settings to block spam emails more strongly, pray for world peace, and treat her to cheesecake in the cafeteria.
I want to protect this smile.
"By the way, if all those scam emails were true, which would you have chosen?"
I'm curious about the genius's candid opinion, so I ask Marimo, who's munching on cheesecake.
"Mumble mumble..."
"Swallow before you speak. Here, I bought milk tea."
"Nom nom, phew! Thanks!"
"So, out of the three, which would you choose? Wait, wait. If you don't choose any, it's boring, so let's say you'll become very poor. How about that?"
Marimo answers without hesitation, as if it's obvious.
"I wouldn't choose any!"
"What, were you listening? Then you'll become poor, you know?"
"That's okay. Because, no matter which pattern I choose, it seems like it would cause a lot of trouble with procedures and life afterward, right? Then I'd have less time to see Kou-chan!"
"But you'll be really poor..."
"Hehe. I don't mind being poor! If I'm in trouble because I have no money, Kou-chan will always come up with something to help me, right?"
"...................."
I stand up silently and run to the cafeteria lady.
After buying what I was looking for, I run back to our table.
Carefully holding the plate.
"...Here."
"Wow! Pudding! What's this about?"
"Just eat it."
"Yay! I don't quite understand, but thanks, Kou-chan! Hehe, look how jiggly it is! But that's as far as you go! I'm going to eat you!"
Well, what can I say... Yeah.
Anyway, I think I'll buy a book on frugality on the way home. That's me.