Soen ni Natte Ita Osananajimi to Seki ga Zengo ni Natta - Chapter 24 English

 Chapter 24 – Estranged childhood friends

 “...Looks like you've really remembered.”

 “No… More like I was reminded by Momoyama-kun.”

 "Oh, yeah.  I did say something about it to him.”

 “...”

 For a moment, silence flowed, and then Kota spoke up as if to spit it out.

 “…The reason why you seem to be in such a bad condition lately is because… You think about a lot of things?”

 “No, um, I'm in bad condition because I didn't take good care of myself, not because Kota…”

 I remembered what Momoyama-kun told me, that it was because Kota, and that's why I said such a thing.  But if I say something like that, I might make Kota feel guilty.

 Oy, what should I say...!  What should I say to follow up on what I just said...!

 I didn't know what to say, and while I was fumbling, Kota opened his mouth first.

 “What can I say… you have changed.”

 "Eh...?"

 There was silence for a few moments.

 “It was… difficult for me at the time.  We're less and less together... but we're childhood friends, we used to play together when we were in elementary school, and... I thought you were someone I could talk to casually... but you said... why,  why did you say that?!  …What have I done?!”

 “...”

 Kota's words, which become a bit more forceful, pierce my heart.

 “I'm sorry… I'm so sorry…”

 Hearing those words, I naturally lowered my head.  My nose twitched and I could feel tears welling up in my eyes.  I couldn't cry, but for some reason, the tears just piled up on their own.

 “...Yes.  It does not matter.  That apology… is acceptable.”

 I couldn't look up when I heard those words.  Because I really cried.  I was flooded with so many emotions that I cried.  I tried to stop it, but there was nothing I could do.

 "Kana...?"

 "Yes."

 As I remained motionless with my head down, Kota called me to ask how I was doing.  In response, I turned my face slightly and lifted my head so he wouldn't see that I was crying.

 “Ah… from now on, we won't be able to… be like we used to be, but I'll try not to be so outspoken.  From now on, we'll just be normal classmates… and that's it?”

 “Yes…. I'm really sorry…. And thank you for accepting my apology.”

 I lowered my head again and said so.  Somehow, I managed to make my voice sound normal, but the last part of my voice was shaking.

 At that time, I couldn't help but cry.

 While thinking that, I tried to leave that place.

 "Then... I'll be going home now."

 "Oh yes."

 When I heard Kota say that, I turned around and started running with my bag in hand.  I did my best to hide my face so he wouldn't see that I was crying.

 After running for a while, I arrived home.  I thought I was out of breath and my face was a mess with tears.

 I unlocked the door, entered the house, and headed straight to my room.  Then I put down my stuff and I fell on my bed.

 ...In the end, I can't remember it myself.  I'm still not good enough.

 This reaffirms what I have been thinking all along.  That I'm no good.  I have apologized to Kota... and accepted... So what should I do after this?

 At first, I thought that if we could return to the closeness we used to be, we could be even closer than before.  But now I think... that's not good.  A woman like me can't be friends with Kota anymore.  I think so.

 That's natural, considering what I've done.  And I can't even... apologize myself.  I am not qualified to be friends with Kota.

 “Ugh… Ugh… Ugh…”

 I wonder if this is heartbreak... I had no idea that letting go of feelings for someone you once loved could be so painful.  I didn't know that it would be so sad to give in to feelings of one's own accord.

 Before second grade in high school, I thought that I would drift away and I would never be able to be friends with Kota again.  But vaguely, I spent my days thinking that maybe there was still a chance.

 Then, in second grade in high school, we were in the same class, and I was so happy that God gave me one last chance.  I was scolded by Iori, I'm sorry, I was worried, and on the next opportunity I managed to get forgiveness from him... I depended a lot on Iori...

 Even though my mind was spinning, I felt a painful, throbbing sensation in my chest, and with it tears flowed.

 “Ugh… Uuuu…”

 So for a whole day, I was in my room, I was crying all the time.

 +×+×+×+

 “Oy… If you run like that, you'll…”

 I saw Kana run as fast as she could.  I was anxious and wondered if she saw what was in front of her, but it didn't seem to matter… since her house was close by.

 “… the crybaby, hasn't changed.”

 I vaguely recognized her voice and her movements trying to hide her face, but when I took a closer look at where Kana was standing, I saw that there were still traces of tears falling.  The reason she was crying was… relieved that she was forgiven?  I wonder why.  No, she was trying hard to apologize for something that happened three years ago.  Maybe she had a lot on her mind.

 The crybaby hasn't changed, but the inside of...... the other, or should I say......, those things had changed.  This is different from the past.  The way she apologized, the way she looked after, and the way she worried about her mistake.  I don't know what to say, I'm worried, but I really think it's great.  I wondered if I would worry because of my past mistakes until I was in such a state.  It seems strange to me to say this, since I was the one who caused this problem.  I guess my roots haven't changed, because I've always been stubborn.

 "Hah..."

 When I saw Kana run like that, I remembered that one incident… no, I was frustrated, or angry… Previously, when we were talking about that time, I noticed that my tone naturally became forceful.  And the anger I let out was not muted.  I guess it was partly because Kana had apologized properly.  I guess that's partly because it's been a long time.  I think I can accept her apology.

 I felt that the feelings that had been frozen since that day in the second grade of middle school had been thawed from the first apology until now, and had somehow been stirred up by the apology just now.  I felt relief in my chest.

 Three years have passed.  A lot has changed for both of us.  Maybe we're adults.  I wonder what kind of person Kana is now, maybe it's because I've known her for a long time.  I hope to get to know her a little better as a classmate, although not as well as in the past.

 +×+×+×+

 Monday after spending Saturday and Sunday as usual.  Today is June.  When I entered the classroom, there were only a few people and Masaki had not yet arrived.

 Previously, I would have gone straight to Masaki's seat, but I said I wouldn't avoid her openly, so I won't do that.

 I sat down and played with my phone.

 The door opened slowly.  I turned my gaze to see who had entered and… I thought for a moment who it was, it was Kana.

 As Kana started walking towards the seat in front of me, our eyes met.

 "Good morning.  I cut my hair."

 “!?  ...Oh, good morning... Um, yes."

 Her hair, which had grown back, long enough to reach her shoulders, was gone.  Since her hair has been long since elementary school, it's kind of refreshing to see Kana with short hair.

 ️➖➖➖➖

 The first arc end.  Continue to second arc?

Translator: Janaka